The "dream team" of 5-ish is really no longer. When it rains it pours ... and then if there is a drought ... I take whatever I can get. Case and point: last night. After not seeing him for 2 months, I went out with Nantucket Paul. The slimiest of the bunch. He lied to my face at least twice while we were out. He also made a couple comments that stand out in my mind...
Him: "Do you think I look older, younger, or the same? I think you look older."
Me: "What!? Really! It's only been two months!?" (gulp bourbon drink).
Him: "You went crazy" (x10)
Him: "You went nuts" (x8)
Him: "We'll see if we can be friends ... if you don't act mental anymore" (x 12).
Me: (gulp bourbon drink x3)
If nuts is getting completely frustrated at the fact that you are ridiculously attracted to someone that can be such a dick.... Yes, I'm certifiable.
No clue why I feel the way I do about him. Honestly.
He slept over last night because I stupidly parked in a garage where the attendant was too busy (asking me in his foreign accent why I was alone and if I would go to dinner with him) to tell me what time the doors locked. 11pm ... couldn't get my car. Paul to the rescue.
He drove me home. Threw my change from the toll booth out the window (drives me nuts to think about that!! "It's just 15 cents"... ya, that I worked for!). Came in and asked me to massage his back because it hurt so much. Like an idiot I did. Like a bigger idiot, I used my fancy expensive moroccan oil body lotion on him. He snored most of the night. And when I couldn't sleep I glanced over, he's so cute to me. But his hair! It was longish again and standing up so funky. I kept thinking "thattt haaaiiirr!!" His phone was going off getting text messages from the girl he had picked up at a funeral a couple weeks ago, gone out with twice, and said he was going to end things with her. Despite the fact that he texted her from my house. Then this morning told me he was probably going to see her again.
Everything happening in my brain is a shit show right now.
I left things by telling him I like spending time with him, but I'm done reaching out. If I never heard from him again it would be ok (which it would), but I missed him (and I do). As one of my best friends said "the heart wants what the heart wants", and that's so true. But leaving it all up to faith from here on out.
I was thankful to spend the day with some of my best friends at a graduation/farewell party. LOVED hearing that someone I didn't even know was reading my blog - is. Everyone was sweet telling me I deserve better, offering to talk when I wanted to talk to him, or delete his number from my phone for me. I'm just so so so nervous I'm going to end up 50 and still single. For a girl that just wants family so bad ... that's one hell of a scary thought. But I know he's a turd bag.
Just like the ocean ... guess I have to let things with him naturally ebb out before something wonderful can flow back into my life.
Effing stupid Nantucket.
Lessons Learned:
- Friends, laughing, and sunshine make everything better.
- Vodka helps.
- My drink limit has dropped from 3 per night to 2.
- I DON'T LOOK OLD!
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