In the aftermath of Nantucket ... One of my guy friends told me yesterday that when one of these assholes shows their true colors, I start to go down the "crazy path". I banter with them. Attempt to change their minds. Check - have been doing that. He said I should have more respect for myself and stop acknowledging them.
My other dear friend who just returned from vacation came by to check on me yesterday, too. I told her I just feel so stupid. And I do. So very very stupid. She told me the only thing that would make me stupid is if I pursued anything further with this jerk. And looking back on the recent texts from him that I responded to - I do look stupid. Especially since he seems to write something that will rile me up, I respond, and then he disappears. Further proving that he is indeed an asshole.
So in order to keep my sad little brain and texting fingers occupied, I'm going to keep writing.
Let's break down Tinder Date #2.
After the Dumpster date, I thought "well it can't get any worse than that". So I wasted no time and put myself back out there. With a guy named Kelly*. When telling this story my friends immediately chimed in:
"Well there's your first problem. Don't date guys with girls names."
There were lots of other problems, too. Like how I discovered on our first date that Kelly was not only married before, but he actually wasn't divorced. Only separated. And only for a couple months. Oh, and he had two kids. Little kids. Like 3 and 1. That he kind of forgot to mention when we were talking. And we talked A LOT. There must be something about me. Nutbag guys tend to love texting/calling me and talking like we've been married for years BEFORE I even meet them.
Anyway - less than halfway through this date, I knew there wouldn't be a second. Kelly on the other hand, was having a grand ole time. Cracking jokes with the bartender about how he and I had never met before - and the idiot bartender was telling him my body language said I was 'totally into him'. Bad bartender. Bad.
Kelly made it clear he was into staying out late that night, and kept ordering drinks when I was ordering waters. He said he wanted to live it up and have fun since he didn't have his kids that night. I'm too nice. I played along and let him drink. Until he started talking about his ex/kind of current wife. I honestly thought he was going to cry. I got the whole low-down. She cheated on him. With a guy from work. She was telling Kelly though that she wanted to move and they were looking at new houses that would put them in debt. He loved her. How could she do this to him. And then he'd catch himself... "I shouldn't be talking like this about her in front of you, if you're part of my life and the kids' lives - I don't want you to form an opinion of her before you even meet her ..."
Oh, buddy. I wouldn't be meeting her.
It was time to call the night a night. He went in for the make out session. I kissed him a little. I was worried he'd cry if I didn't.
I got a text that night about how much fun he had. Then more the next day ... "when can I see you again". Ugh. I hate that moment. When you have to break someone's heart a little. I would type, then delete, then type again, then delete. Finally I just settled on "I think we're in two different places right now, and looking for two different things. I 'm sorry".
Immediately my phone rang. It was Kelly. He disagreed with me and wanted me to meet him out once more so he could explain. He said the discussion on our first date didn't cover enough. He was a good salesman. Despite my extreme hesitation and gut-feeling that I wasn't going to change my mind - I told him I was meeting my friends at 6PM in Boston that night to see a show, and I could meet him around 4 in town if he really wanted to talk. Oh boy did he ever. He said to meet him at the Starbucks in Copley.
It was a Saturday. I got there around 3:55 PM. He was already there, dancing around by the Starbucks entrance. Two huge drinks in hand and he practically ran towards me with them with his arms open for a hug.
Ugh.
I, being the huge bitch I can be, ducked the hug and said "is there caffeine in that drink? I can't drink caffeine."
Again - he looked like he was going to cry. "Oh jeez, yea, there is, I'm sorry, I didn't know". I said it was fine and instantly regretted being there. I could tell he thought this ~2 hour window was going to go much different than I did. He said we should go sit down and talk. I obliged. He moved his chair closer to me. It was one of those squishy chairs the area between Champions and Starbucks has there in the mall. He sat in it sideways, so his legs were draped over one arm rest, and his back and arms were close to me, and he kept trying to touch my leg and he awkwardly began his speech about his marriage/situation again. It wasn't anything new from what he told me the other night. It was deja-vu actually. He was getting upset talking about the cheating and being responsible for kids on his own and I stopped him.
I said "Listen, I don't think you've fully come to terms with your situation with your wife, and this isn't something I'm comfortable with. We're in two different places and it's just not going to work, I'm sorry."
Kelly looked at me, tears welling up for real now. He said "Are you dumping me?"
What?? "Dumping you, Kelly, this is only the second time we've been out. We aren't in a relationship".
"You're dumping me. Oh my God, this is really happening".
Ya, you're telling me ... this is really happening? I looked at my wrist hoping I had a watch on and hoping it was time to go meet my friends.
He then said "I knew I shouldn't have suggested this place. It's a bad omen, this Starbucks. This is where I brought my wife to confront her and tell her I knew she had been cheating on me. Oh I can't believe this is happening to me again."
Ohhhhhh boy. Out of ALL the places in Boston he suggested the place he confronted his wife? Was this candid camera?? I was like a parent trying to think of what I could do to prevent a child from having a mental meltdown in public.
I immediately changed my tune and said we could still be friends, and we should be, and who knows what will happen some day (I mean other than me, I knew what would happen down the road with us - nothing - but I didn't want a scene). He seemed happier with that and started up with the leg touching again as he sipped from both cups of caffeinated teas he had in front of him. He told me he had a gift certificate he needed to use on Boylston and asked if, since we were friends, I'd go help him pick out some stuff. I figured I would. It would make the remaining hour before I met my friends go by faster. As we walked to the store he kept trying to hold my hand, put his arm around me, I kept saying no to that. I walked fast, kept my distance... and as he purchased his two shirts, each at approximately $100, he picked up on the notion that we probably weren't going to be friends. As we walked back towards the train station where I was meeting my friends, he said "We really aren't going to be more than friends right now?" and I said no. He then commented that he wasn't happy about that... and that he paid "like $30 to park here in Boston just to get dumped". I told him there are other garages around that don't charge that much and he should do his research next time he drives in - but I had to go meet my friend so it was time to part ways. He asked if he could hug me, I said fine. It lasted longer than I hoped but I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. He sulked off towards his parking garage, and I hurried off to meet my friend.
As I sat there waiting for her ... I looked at my phone. I had a text from Kelly. It was a picture of the parking garage screen stating he owed $30 for parking, and he included his address with a note "you can send me the parking reimbursement to this address".
Ohhhh boy. I ignored that. And I ignored the many other texts that came through in the days that followed. I thought I'd never see him again. But, lo and behold, the universe likes to be funny.
A couple nights later, Monday night actually around 11:30 PM, my sister and I were getting out of a cab by the same train station in Boston. We'd just gone to a concert. There was a couple standing right by The Salty Pig sucking face. I looked at them thinking "jeeez, that's so weird" as my sister paid the fare. And then as the sucking-face-couple turned - I saw who it was. It was Kelly with another girl. Sucking face right there in the same area I left him in a few days earlier. We got out of the cab as their faces detached and I found myself walking a couple feet behind him as he left his date and headed back in the direction of where his expensive parking garage was. I had to say something.
"Hi Kelly."
He turned around, his smiley-I-just-made-out-with-a-girl face immediate changed to disbelief. "Holy shit" was all he could say.
I chirped "This is my sister. She lives around the corner. We just went to a concert." He just stood there, jaw dropped". I continued "Looks like you were on a date, looks like it went well. Good for you. Have a good night, Kelly". We kept walking the whole time as this happened, and he just stood there. The next day he tweeted a whole thing about the universe and acts of randomness and what they mean, and he texted me a handful more times before fading out of my life.
He wasn't a bad guy I guess, just totally not for me. I still wonder if he asked that new girl to pay his parking that night? Probably not. Making out is probably worth $30.
Lessons Learned:
- Don't date guys with girls names unless you're 100% sure they're normal.
- Don't keep texting/talking to guys so much before you even meet them. Hasn't really worked well.
- If you do talk to them, make sure you have their marital status figured out.
- When you know in your gut something's not going to work - don't waste their time - or yours! Cut the cord and move on!
*Names changed, of course.
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